How to Improve Your 1:1 Skills

I promise you this is not a basketball post 🏀

But do you suffer from a weak heart? 💔

I mean the one that comes from caring for people.

If you’re still in the dark, here’s what I mean…

In Gallup’s Q12 survey, the 5th question states,

“My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.”

Your reaction to that statement as a leader says a LOT about you.

Most leaders agree with that sentiment, but few SHOW it.

You might ask, “how do I show my people I care about them?”

The answer lies in HOW you run your 1:1 meetings.

The reason why improving your 1:1 skills matter so much is it is the foundation as a manager.

Don’t believe me?

Ask anyone who’s left a job because of a poor manager relationship and I’ll show you how ineffective 1:1 meetings were at the heart of the problem.

You know why most people dread 1:1 meetings?

Because they are poorly executed.

There may not be a one-size fits all solution, but since I’m about practical application here’s what’s worked for me.

Let me start by suggesting weekly 1:1’s with your entire team.

(If that’s too overwhelming, maybe your team is too big OR you’re in the wrong role.)

Structure your format around the following C’s: connection, current and career.

1. Connection - how are you really doing?

Trust is built through the connection between the manager-employee relationship.

No trust. No connection.

Show up consistently (frequency) and be present (not distracted) to get to know them.

Here’s where the creativity comes in: building a connection is like building a friendship.

I’ll be the the first to say, being friends is not the goal - develop work boundaries.

Yet the same concepts that build friendships, build connections at work: asking questions, listening, finding common ground, etc.

It’s crucial to set a foundation based on trust first (getting to know them personally) before you go into what’s needed to be done.

Most micromanagers skip or dismiss this step (or fake it and it works against them).

I’m going to double-down on this by saying you might spend up to 50% of your 1:1 meeting times initially to get this right.

Think of if like this: if you build the foundation you will earn the right to ask the tough questions later (aka buy-in).

2. Current - what needs to get done?

Now proceed with prioritizing tasks, urgency and time sensitive deadlines.

If the connection is established, knocking items off the to-list is momentum driven.

Want to see your team work harder?

Lead by example.

Don’t ask them to do anything you haven’t done already.

The best way to help your people is to give them the resources they need to finish the job.

Did you notice I didn’t say to do the work for them?

As a parent, doing everything for my kids doesn’t teach them responsibility.

This applies to management too.

Help your people organize, strategize then hold them accountable for what they say they will do.

THAT is developing them as leaders and places the ownership back on them.

3. Career - where are you headed? 

I put this one last not because it’s the least important, but realistically not one you’ll get to during every 1:1 meeting.

Let’s called this “advanced” leadership.

Reality check: your people will not stay in their current role forever (neither will you!)

That being said, while they are under your care, develop their skills.

Once again, that doesn’t mean you have the time to do in personally.

But can you suggest books to read, courses to take or skills to master?

(The answer is yes.)

In fact, I’ll take it a step further by saying build up your people so well they need to leave (or replace you).

Why? Because a selfless leader wants to see their people succeed them.

In closing, I’ll circle back to the “heart” issue.

If you truly care about your team you’ll:

1. Connect with them

2. Assist them with getting what’s “current” done

3. Caring about their career development beyond now

That’s what I’ve experienced from the “leader’s chair” over my career.

1:1 meetings set the tone as a manager.

Get those right and you’re off to a great start!

God Bless,

Scott

If you found this helpful and you’re looking to improve your soft skills as a leader, here are ways to work with me directly:

• 🗣 Hire me to speak at your company or next event (watch my speaking reel here)

• 🎤 Invite me to lead an interactive training workshop, remotely or in-person (depending on location)

• 🤝 Start 1:1 coaching with me as a new manager, current leader or executive (I once managed 30 people 1:1 weekly❗️)

Also, you can help me out by forwarding this to friends whom would benefit from it! Thank you!