Managing Interpersonal Conflict

Last week I spent volunteering at a non-profit, leading a team.

What I thought would be management and operations ended up being much more than I anticipated.

At the beginning of the week I spent most of my time as a bridge between interpersonal conflict.

Initially I said out loud, “this is not what I signed up for.”

But then I self-corrected because this is EXACTLY where leadership lies.

The details of the situation don’t matter, but the strategies for resolution do.

Part of leadership is managing egos and personalities in spite of the goal(s) at hand.

So let’s talk about what works the next time you face interpersonal conflict at work.

The WHY: ego or policy (there are other reasons such as value differences, yet those two stand out)

Translation: “this is how I want it done” or “you’re not following the protocol correctly.”

Here’s what worked for me last week: a combination of collaboration and compromise.

The HOW: If you listen to what’s actually being said between the two parties, peel back the emotion and find the root cause.

In the heat of the moment, it can be challenging, but as a leader the quicker you can respond (not necessarily make a decision right away) the better.

• Simply clarifying you understand their position can de-escalate moving forward.

As tempting as it is to make a quick assumption for time purposes don’t, rather acknowledge their stance is valid even if you don’t agree with it.

Once that’s done a dash of collaboration and compromise can be added.

• If you’re attempting to be a peacemaker, find the common threads between the two parties and start there.

For example, if all parties agree it’s a safety issue, how to implement the solution can be compromised.

Collaboration comes into play when the objective is agreed upon and options are laid out to choose from.

• During interpersonal conflict, the focus tends to get lost and attention turns towards “winning” the argument.

That’s why ego is at the heart at most conflict, even more so than value disagreement.

Note the higher you go up in an organization, the more ego is involved.

When I say leadership is an art form, this is a prime case in point.

There’s no handbook for managing interpersonal conflict, so the more experience you have dealing with it, the better you get.

Managing egos is exhausting work, but if you master the skill of conflict management your value as a contributor skyrockets.

Lastly, I’d advise to address it versus avoid it.

Because if you don’t handle it now, it will grow bigger later.

Managing conflict is expected in leadership roles and when conducted well trust and loyalty result in better productivity (it’s always about ROI to executives!)

Be a peacemaker and if you need help contact me here.

God Bless,

Scott

If you found this helpful and you’re looking to improve your soft skills as a leader, here are ways to work with me directly:

• 🗣 Hire me to speak at your company or next event (watch my speaking reel here)

• 🎤 Invite me to lead an interactive training workshop, remotely or in-person (depending on location)

• 🤝 Start 1:1 coaching with me as a new manager, current leader or executive (I once managed 30 people 1:1 weekly❗️)

Also, you can help me out by forwarding this to friends whom would benefit from it! Thank you!